PORN ANYONE?

OK so I’m definitely going to struggle with pictures and videos on this blog aren’t I? lol

Soooo – PORN then; actually let’s not give it a cute nickname… PORNOGRAPHY!!!… What is it to you? Taboo? Hush-hush? Awesome? Liberating? Addictive? Empowering? WRONG?  The best thing, or the worst thing ever??

It’s a bit of a sticky subject really (see what I did there? My bad, couldn’t resist lol) – mainly because of the two opposing schools of thought. Those that enjoy it tend to provide reasons why it’s OK, and even good for you; – whereas people that are not comfortable with it or dislike it give reasons why it’s bad for your mental and physical health. Arguments on both sides are highly fuelled by emotion and personal preference; – but where (if available) is the evidence?

Ever heard of the ‘Coolidge Effect’? No? Neither had I. The Coolidge Effect is a phenomenon observed in animals where the males (and females to a lesser degree) express renewed sexual interest when introduced to new (novel) females. Basically, the original study was on rats. A male rat was placed into an enclosed large box with four or five female rats in heat. He immediately began to mate with all the female rats repeatedly until he eventually became exhausted. The females continued nudging and licking him (lolol), yet he did not respond. When a novel (new) female was introduced into the box, he became alert and began to mate once again with the new female. This phenomenon is not limited to common rats and has been observed in other mammals.

Those seeking to justify or explain men’s general tendency to pursue multiple sexual partners, use the Coolidge Effect as an explanation for this. They say that it’s an innate, totally natural response (to new females) for males to want to reproduce with them; – this explains why men produce sperm for their whole lives (which are generally shorter than women). According to this line of thought, men are biologically (and psychologically) driven to spread their seed throughout the earth and populate it in the same way that a bee spreads pollen or frogs spawn more frogs. We see this throughout the animal kingdom from fish, to birds, to lions and monkeys. Some go on to say that it is because of this biological response to brand new sexual partners, that men love pornography so much. Now this might sound like the porn-lovers are grasping at straws here and have found a credible support network by way of the scientific community. So how much observable truth is there in this theory?

A wise man once said to me that when it comes to sex, we are like cookers… ‘Men are like gas cookers and women are like electric-rings/hot plates. We heat up and explode into action, providing instant heat and light; – we turn on in an instant and cool down soon after our flame is out. Women on the other hand take forever to heat up. Once they do, their heat lasts for ages – way after  the current has been switched off.’

Correct me if I’m wrong but as a married man, I can testify to this truth. My guy friends all confess to clashes when it comes to intimate time with their spouses. The timings can often be all messed up. Between female body-clock issues, children and work/social schedules – it can be a real problem. You’re ready… They’re not ready… They’re ready… You’re not in the mood… etc, etc.

If you who are reading this blog is anything like me, you value and appreciate characteristics like honour, loyalty and respect. Whether you’re married, single, dating or somewhere in-between – you understand the notions of keeping your word, respecting people and doing things for people out of love for them. Consider this for a moment – you have a wife/husband, boyfriend/girlfriend… You have an understanding and an agreement between you that you will remain faithful to each other, not allowing anything to get between you both; – this includes people as well as activities like work, hobbies, Church and can even mean your children!

Whether you’re religious or not, you might have a moral code that prevents you from engaging in any sexual activity with anyone other than your ‘partner’. What does this mean? No intimate touching. No flirting. No spending excessive time with others or communicating with people inappropriately. Certainly no sexual activity – paid or otherwise!

ENTER PORNOGRAPHY

Glamorous actresses at a ‘Porn Awards’ ceremony

Porn offers an outlet in a ‘grey-area’ of consensual agreement. In the case of heterosexual men – it can allow them to have a sexual release without ever physically cheating on their partners… But isn’t it still cheating mentally? As for religious or moral codes – watching porn is considered (by some) to be fostering a lustful nature and therefore ‘sinful’ and/or going against the natural order of life. Interestingly enough, the word that the Bible translates into English as ‘fornication’ is the Greek word – porneuo’ – meaning to ‘give your body over to unlawful sex’.

People argue that porn can have a positive effect on society in the same way that prostitution does. They say that pornography and prostitution offer an outlet for people that might otherwise commit rape and other sexual assaults when they have no outlet. This (in my opinion) is a major copout and stretch to make porn and prostitution seem okay. People are deranged. People have mental illness. People will violate other people. Sadly, this is the nature of some people. To say that ‘porn is good because it stops rape’ is like saying ‘guns are good because they stop killers’. Guns were made to end life. Whether you use a gun to defend yourself from an attacker, shoot a deer for food/sport or as a paperweight in your office at work; – this does not take away from or change the reason for its inception. Guns were created to KILL; just like pornography exists for the gratification of the viewer. Whether indulged in solo or with a partner – it serves a purpose and that is to encourage sexual activity.

We haven’t mentioned the core of what pornography is about – masturbation.

Masturbation is the point of porn. I have seen lots of articles online regarding this practice; lots of them promote masturbation as ‘healthy, natural and beneficial to those who practice it.’ However – a quick search in your favourite search engine online will show you that most articles that pop up actually deem masturbation as having a negative impact on sexual health. Here is one such article.

As for religious reasons for/against – I can personally speak of a viewpoint which I know of – the Christian stance. Basically – Yeshua (aka Jesus) said that we should be obeying the 10 Commandments; – two of which are ‘Thou shalt not commit adultery’ & ‘Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife’. In Matthew 5:27-28 He goes on to explain that even thinking about a woman in this way was actually breaking these Commandments. If watching pornography and indulging in self-gratification is not thinking about someone lustfully – I don’t know what is!

Now unless you’re living a life similar to the 3 in the above video, or you come from a culture where polygamy/polyamory is OK because you have an agreement – porn is an easy fix or band-aid plaster to slap across the wound/issue that is you and your sexual habits. It is reportedly highly addictive and offers a completely-incomplete replacement to real life, sexual interaction with another human being.

People say – ‘everything in moderation’… My opinion is that this habit does more harm than good. Like I always say with all things – QUESTION YOURSELF and ask yourself ‘why’ instead of ‘why not’?

Thanks For Reading…

ONLY. ONE. MIIKZ.

 

15 Replies to “PORN ANYONE?”

  1. Alas ‘Coolidge effect’. I’ve just been misunderstood all my life ! Now I have greater understanding within this definition. I’m not proud to have been called a ‘galis’ all my life and a big change has occurred with faith in God. However I always felt my needs were driven hormonally / by nature.

    1. @ WB

      Welcome sir! So what are you saying? The Coolidge Effect is real? D’you think it offers a real explanation as to why we as men feel the need to turn our heads toward ‘novel females’?

      ONLY. ONE. MIIKZ.

  2. All good Miikz 👊🏾
    I accept it’s not a complete answer as we are supposed to be the elite species on the planet but when a new love interest arrives , that feeling is overwhelming until there’s intimacy.

    1. @ WB

      100% agree! You’re not lying; millions of men can attest to that. Could the key be understanding the reasons why and then perhaps controlling it? Some would say that there is not a need to control it as it is natural and totally normal – therefore SHOULD be encouraged.

      A fellow commentator on here named Obverse speaks of ‘flows & blockages’ a lot. I wonder what his take would be on this…?

      Thank You For Your Comment and Welcome To The Conversation…

      ONLY. ONE. MIIKZ.

  3. Brillliant piece Miikz.

    I see it a bit like gambling and drinking…..

    Some can do it recreationally, while others get hooked and addicted, especially those with addictive personalities.

    I know a lot of dudes who are addicted to the sh*t, and as a result, it’s affected their performance in the bedroom, because they aren’t able to re-enact the practices that they witness on screen, as their partners aren’t with what the dude has witnessed and now wants to carry out…….So……..dude gets sexuallly frustrated and finds someone else who’s willing.
    The woman too gets sexually frustrated too because of dudes poor performance and looks elsewhere too, just for some regular sex……heard and seen it too many times.

    I think it all comes down to discipline and life choices.
    Some people don’t have any discipline, others make poor choices that lead to addiction.

    Overall, I think it’s not helpful for a monogamous relationship or mental health.

    Each to their own.
    Who am I to judge…..apart from being a critical and analytical thinker, who uses evidence, reasoning and experience to erm…… judge? 😝

    1. @ Uncle Kof

      lolol I totally hear you sir. Y’know what? It’s interesting that so far – only men have written responses!

      It’s definitely something that needs serious monitoring and self-control. Personally I don’t agree with it as the cons seem to faaaaaar outweigh the pro’s. Plus – I don’t believe that Yah likes it. This is my personal resonance with the situation. It’s a ‘NO’ from me.

      Thanks For Your Comment!

      ONLY. ONE. MIIKZ.

  4. Good article Miikz.

    Coolidge explanation was good and an eye opener, women and Christians will hate it, though it makes sense.

    Masturbation has its pluses and pitfalls especially in concert with porn.

    It definitely is each to their own

    1. @ PL

      Thanks for joining us!

      It’s still a MASSIVE taboo in many societies today. It’s such a grey area when it comes to religious ideology as it is not clear cut and written in stone. For example – in the Bible, what did it mean to have multiple wives and concubines or slaves/handmaidens that were often instrumental in sexual activity among God’s people?

      This is why it’s ‘each to their own’ to lots of people; – because some feel there is no clear precedent set.

      I believe that Yahweh will judge us all one day.

      ONLY. ONE. MIIKZ.

  5. Yes mi bredrin, another compelling article, in my opinion, whether your religious or not,in a relationship, married,as a man you are being dishonest with yourself and any other life you’re sharing with no question, we have the capability to use logic and reason to be able to think for ourselves rather using the excuse of a scientific explanatory, we know what’s morally right and wrong for our lives period. Anyway as a married man I know what’s best for me and it has worked out so far not to indulge in those acts. Blessings as always looking forward to next one 🙏🏿

    1. @ Nathan H

      Yes sir! This is the truth. It can be addictive though; like others have pointed out. D’you think that there’s such a thing as rehab and suchlike for mental/physical addictions like this? If it truly is ruining good relationships, something should be done about it. Maybe even come with a health warning and some kind of age restriction or frequency regulation like there is for smoking, alcoholism, gambling etc…?

      ONLY. ONE. MIIKZ.

      1. Sorry for the late response, in my opinion the factors that you have implemented only encourages the fact that it’s acceptable, I don’t agree, we need to think about the people who actually involve themselves in these acts just to make a buck, my mentality is this when you give yourself to someone they take a piece of you something you can never get back! It’s not only a physical aspect but also a mental thing. Sex nowadays has become so casual and it’s deemed normal which is something I can’t accept. Self worth is the key! Bless!

  6. Haha. A very interesting read indeed. I found the science behind the coolidge effect fascinating and definitely believe it comes into the mix. I do wonder if the suggestion then is that porn is perfectly moral for the single person? Also, porn is definitely a sexual practice, yet the element of “fantasy” is worth exploring. People indulge in many past times to live out dreams they feel unable to for a number of reasons. This could be Cosplay, larping (maybe a future blog, hehe) video games or movies. Also, the element of fetishism is interesting as it surpasses the basic explanation of a need to mate with females. (let’s be honest, feet, anal and facials does not a baby make… Sorry for the graphics). But yes man. I love the topics you tackle and how you approach them. Waiting for the next.

    1. @ Obverse

      Hmmm… No answers; – just more questions, lol 😀

      Yes – definitely worth thinking about… Is it about the physical gratification of the orgasm itself or is it just about fantasy? Your point is astute – some of the other sexual practices that surround porn are not part of nor will they EVER result in the creation of life.

      Could it be than human beings are ultimately and uncontrollably SELFISH and self-centred individuals? Had a conversation with my friend recently who’s on here somewhere @SarahFonteyne…

      We were identifying ‘Love’ & ‘Lust’ and how they appear similar but are actually quite different things…

      ONLY. ONE. MIIKZ.

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